


One Step At A Time (Little by Little)

by Shia_NoBuff



Series: Lilith Can't Bet [1]
Category: Warrior Nun (TV)
Genre: Ava is oblivious, Beatrice is a gay mess, F/F, Fluff, Internalized Homophobia, Pining, Post-Season/Series 01
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-27
Updated: 2020-08-27
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:47:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26139109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shia_NoBuff/pseuds/Shia_NoBuff
Summary: Set after 1x10. Beatrice begins taking small steps towards accepting her identity, ending with her wanting to ask Ava out. Ava assumes they’re already dating. Mary shakes her head at these two gay idiots.
Relationships: Shotgun Mary/Sister Shannon (Past Relationship), Sister Beatrice & Shotgun Mary, Sister Beatrice/Ava Silva
Series: Lilith Can't Bet [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1891867
Comments: 9
Kudos: 282





	One Step At A Time (Little by Little)

**Author's Note:**

> Prequel to "I Just Want to Kiss You". I've been inspired to write another one shot. All mistakes are mine. Enjoy! :)

After the battle with Adriel, the Sisters returned to Cat’s Cradle (Mother Superion had her ways of placating Duretti). They began developing a new normal without Vincent (no one called him “Father” anymore), addiing more training as well as research to their day. Adriel’s whereabouts were unknown, but the OCS hoped one of their many texts would have a clue.

Following the events at the Vatican, Beatrice had had an existential crisis of sorts. She no longer had any faith in the church, but she still believed in God and his wisdom. After doing some research (she used the internet, so she wasn’t sure if it really counted as research), Beatrice realized that believing in the church and God weren’t the same things. The church was corrupt, Vincent and Duretti were proof of that, but the church wasn’t God. 

Having come to terms with this, Beatrice began to accept _that_ part of herself more. It would take time, a lot of it, to undo the years of externalized and internalized homophobia she had, but she was getting better.

She took small steps. The first was, admittedly, the easiest though by no means was it easy. Beatrice whispered _“I am a lesbian”_ to herself in the mirror when she was alone. She repeated it over and over, in every language she knew. Now, slowly, Beatrice was getting better at not cringing at the word. 

Next, she approached Mary. Beatrice knew Mary would accept her, her relationship with Shannon proved that.

“Mary,” she approached the other woman after a firearms training session,

“Beatrice,” Mary nodded. She noticed Bea’s nervousness, a stark contrast from her normal confident demeanor.

“Would you like to take a walk with me?” Beatrice asked, distressed.

“Sure,” Mary was a bit confused by Beatrice’s behavior, but followed the nun as she began a brisk pace around the monastery.

They walked in silence, Beatrice nervously playing with her hands and Mary growing more and more confused.

“Was there something you wanted to talk about?” Mary broke the silence after it had become unbearable. Beatrice abruptly stopped and turned to face her.

“I, um,” she stuttered. She wondered if it was too late to turn back, to forget this stupid idea to come out to Mary. _No! You’re not pulling out now,_ her brain yelled. She took a shaky breath,

“There’s something I want to tell you,”

“Ookaay,” Mart dragged out each syllable, and Beatrice could feel her heart pounding hard in her chest.

“I-I, you know, or you’ve probably heard, about how I took my vows younger than most,”

Mary nodded, and tried not to let her expression give anything away. _So that’s what this was about_. She didn’t say anything, not wanting to interrupt Beatrice.

“I took,” Beatrice took another breath, “I took my vows so young because I thought it would help me get rid of a part of me that I hated, the thing that caused me the most pain. But I realize now that I was wrong. I-” Beatrice faltered, and Mary could see tears welling up in her eyes. She tentatively put her arms around Beatrice, who tensed up, but eventually allowed herself to be hugged. She wrapped her arms around Mary, sobbing into her shirt.

“Hey, it’s okay,” gentle was not Mary’s strong suit, but she tried for Beatrice’s sake. She gently rubbed her friend’s back, “it’s alright, you’re okay Beatrice.”

Bea pulled back and wiped her eyes, blushing,

“Sorry. It’s just—I’ve never told anyone, but I figured since you’re not a nun or anything,”

Mary nodded empathetically,

“Take your time, I’m not going anywhere.”

She was 99% sure she knew what Beatrice was about to tell her. Beatrice’s crush on Ava was glaringly obvious and so were Ava’s feelings for Beatrice; Camila and Lilith even had a bet going on how long it would take them to confess (Camila had said two months after their return, Lilith had said five). It reminded Mary of when Shannon had come out to her. Shannon had let Mary hold her much longer (which Mary eventually knew was because of the former Warrior Nun’s crush on her), but it had gone similarly to this, Mary waiting patiently as a nun sobbed.

“I. Gosh, it’s harder to say it to another person,” Beatrice choked through her tears, “I, I-I’m gay. I’m a lesbian.”

She shook with relief as more sobs wracked her body. Beatrice didn’t even attempt to resist as Mary enveloped her in a tight hug, muttering things like “it’s okay” and “I’ve got you,” into Bea’s ear until she began to calm down. When she did, Mary gave her a warm smile,

“Thanks for telling me. I’m glad you did,”

“I’m glad I did too,” Beatrice’s chest felt lighter, like a weight had been lifted. _This_ was God’s will, not what she had experienced with her parents all those years ago.

The third step was, while not shocking, was still deeply jarring to Beatrice: realizing her crush on Ava. Before the conflict at the Vatican, Beatrice had written off her feelings for the Halo Bearer. But now that she had time to think and spend with Ava, she realized just how far she’d fallen for her friend. 

Ava’s curiosity, excitement, and zest for life were contagious and Beatrice smiled more in the past month than she had in the past ten years. After over a decade of being unable to feel, Ava reveled in being able to touch things. She touched everything, running her fingers over the spines of various books as she walked in between shelves and making casual contact with all of her sisters with various degrees of success. Lilith and Mary would usually glare and move away from the contact (Lilith was much more hostile about it than Mary, who occasionally allowed Ava to hug her), but Camila seemed to enjoy it. The two could often be seen hugging, something that filled Bea with a new feeling: jealousy. She knew it was preposterous, but she couldn’t help the envy that rose in her when she saw Camila and Ava being touchy-feely. 

To the other sisters’ (and Beatrice’s own) surprise, Beatrice was surprisingly receptive to Ava’s touches. Years of isolating herself had led to Beatrice shying away from physical contact, but with Ava it seemed almost natural. Ava would play with Beatrice’s habit while they talked or brush their hands together and Beatrice rarely flinched. She’d even given Ava permission to hug her after only a couple months, something she’d taken years to allow from Camila. Beatrice’s heart fluttered every time she was with Ava, which was quite a lot, and she felt butterflies every time they touched (which was also quite a lot).

Beatrice hadn’t noticed, but Ava was more affectionate with her than the other sisters. She loved seeing the blush on Beatrice’s face when they touched, and hugging Bea was somehow better than hugging Camila (who gave very good hugs). 

“So, are you and Ava a thing?” Beatrice’s back went rigid and her eyes widened as Mary slid into the seat across from her in one of the libraries. It had only been a week since Bea had come out to her, and it still felt weird having someone know for sure.

“What? No,” Bea (only somewhat successfully) hid her panic, “Ava and I are just friends,”

Mary smirked,

“But you wish you were more than that, right?”

It would be hard to distinguish Beatrice’s face from a beet. She struggled to compose herself before answering,

“What I wish or do not wish is irrelevant. Ava is my friend and nothing more. Plus, she’s straight.”

“Have you asked her?” Mary raised an eyebrow.

“She was with that JC guy,” Beatrice pointed out, masking the jealousy in her voice. Mary gave her an _are you serious_ look,

“Ever heard of bisexuality, Beatrice?”

Beatrice had, in fact, heard of bisexuality, she just hadn’t thought that Ava might possibly be bi. It made things easier for her, knowing that Ava would never lo-like her back. There was fear in uncertainty that sometimes even the Lord couldn’t extinguish.

“I, uh, I suppose it’s possible that Ava is bisexual. But that is her business, not mine. And even if she is bi, it doesn’t mean she’d ever want to date me.”

Mary resisted the urge to bang her head against the table. Beatrice was so observant, yet she couldn’t see that the adorkable Ava had a huge crush on her. _God, Shannon. These two are such gay idiots,_ she thought. They had been at Cat’s Cradle for over a month now (though their feelings had been obvious to her since their time at ArqTech) and Mary was beginning to suspect that Camila would lose that bet. To Beatrice, she simply said,

“Well, you’ll never know unless you ask.”

~~~~

Beatrice easily dodged Ava’s punches with her hands behind her back. Ava, on the other hand, was becoming increasingly frustrated, which in turn led to her attacks becoming sloppier and sloppier. It was a never-ending cycle. When Ava was huffing and puffing, Beatrice finally put a hand out to stop her.

“You’re getting better, Ava, but your moves are too predictable. You show your attacks before you throw them. It would be better to do it like this,” Beatrice demonstrates a few quick strikes, making sure not to expose any tells. Ava sighed and sat down on the training mat, a water bottle in her hand,

“I feel like I’m not getting any better at this. I feel so fucking useless,” she used the bottom hem of her shirt to wipe sweat from her brow and Beatrice’s swooned as her toned abs were exposed. _Focus, Beatrice,_ she admonished herself.

“Language,” she gave Ava a sharp look, “let’s work on some throws.”

After going over safety and showing Ava a few techniques, the two faced each other on the mat. Beatrice pinned Ava over and over again, ignoring the urge to laugh at Ava’s face. Beatrice began circling Ava again, confident in her movements until Ava removed her tank top.

“Shit, it’s hot today,” Beatrice couldn’t help but ogle at Ava’s muscles. The halo had done wonders for Ava’s body, there was no way someone who had spent twelve years as a quadriplegic could be this toned in such a short amount of time. 

“L-language,” Beatrice managed in a strangled voice. She managed to fend off the first few attacks, but the sweatier Ava got, the less Beatrice could concentrate. Beatrice was constantly kicking herself mentally. Ava was her friend, and she shouldn’t be objectifying women. But Ava’s glistening biceps threatened her resolve. 

Beatrice licked her lips as Ava prepared for her next attack. She steeled herself, but faltered as Ava smirked. Ava took advantage of her momentary distraction and easily pinned Beatrice beneath her. Beatrice inhaled sharply as Ava’s face inched closer to her own. Heaven help her, she was thinking some _very_ ungodly thoughts right now. Time seemed to standstill until Beatrice nervously cleared her throat,

“Um, Ava, can you get off me now?”

“Hm?” Ava was already distracted. She looked at Beatrice and seemed to notice her presence for the first time. Her eyes grew comically wide and she quickly got off,

“Shit, sorry Bea. I know you don’t like contact.”

Beatrice stood up and tried to pass off her embarrassment as exhaustion,

“It’s fine,” she waved dismissively, “I think that’s probably enough for today.”

Ava would usually be ecstatic about the news, but she frowned slightly as she put her shirt back on.

“What?” Beatrice asked at the look Ava was giving her,

“You didn’t correct me when I swore. And you don’t usually get flushed from our sessions. Are you feeling alright, babe?”

Beatrice nearly fainted. _She probably calls the others that too, idiot. She’s joking around._ She managed a tight nod,

“Yeah. Must just be tired from all that research I did last night,”

“Okay,” Ava looked unconvinced, “I can’t have my girlfriend fainting on me.”

Beatrice choked on the water she had been drinking, 

“What did you just call me?” She spluttered. Ava looked more confused,

“Do you want me to call you something else? I can call you my partner, or romantic person thingy, or whatever else you call the person you’re dating.”

Beatrice was sure she was dreaming,

“We’re dating?”

“Are we not? I was pretty sure we were. I thought our walks around the monastery were dates.”

Beatrice could only stare. Ava liked her. More than that, Ava had thought they were dating. Ava looked down and kicked her feet,

“Are you sure you’re feeling alright, Bea?”

“You like me?” Beatrice could barely manage a whisper.

“I’m pretty sure you have to like the person you’re dating,” Ava chuckled, “I thought you were supposed to be the brains in this relationship,”

“Oh,” was all Beatrice managed to say.

“Okay, we’re definitely going to the infirmary.”

Beatrice let herself be dragged across the monastery. She couldn’t believe Ava liked her. _Her_. Beatrice didn’t know what to think. She smiled like an idiot all the way to the infirmary, causing some distressed noises from Ava.

After a thorough check-up, it was decided Beatrice was probably just overheated from wearing her habit in the hot sun. She couldn't argue with the diagnosis, she had been overheated, just not from the sun.

She grasped Ava’s hand as it brushed against hers as they began walking to dinner and her girlfriend smiled at her. She still couldn’t believe it. Ava was her girlfriend. Beatrice couldn't remember the last time she'd felt this giddy, and she wasn’t about to let on that she hadn’t realized they were dating until today. Their friends turned their heads as the two walked into the dining hall hand in hand. 

“Finally,” Mary said as the two approached and Ava stuck her tongue out at her. Camila squealed with glee and Lilith scowled before nodding at the couple approvingly as they approached. Beatrice saw Lilith hand a smirking Camila something under the table, but didn’t pay too much attention. Step four: somehow tell the other sisters had and maybe get Ava to date her was complete, even if she hadn’t known it. For the first time in a very long time, Beatrice felt truly happy.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! The title is from one of the songs I remember from my Christian preschool days. Bonus points if you know the song. Constructive feedback is always welcome! Stay safe out there everyone!! :)


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